He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
