god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
try to milk me bitch
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