Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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