Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
