Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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