We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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