Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
