And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
