i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
