Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
