Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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