Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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