Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
