They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
40s are totally the cure
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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