ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We left the knife in your bed.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
