I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
