hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
