What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
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