I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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