I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
