please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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