So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
im on a boat
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