She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
