batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
