Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
