she was so not down for the gang bang
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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