Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
