went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
