I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
