I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
