I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
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She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
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I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize