and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
