Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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