In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
