It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
