you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
