take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
