I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
