there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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