Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
