the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
