and next time when you feel me up, do it right
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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