I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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