I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
