"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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