have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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