MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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