I'm going to jail i love you
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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