I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
