I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
handjob tips. give me some.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
