Christians are straight up FREAKS
so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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