cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
