Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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