You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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