You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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