why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
