i think my tv is drunk
I want to make a zoo with you.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
