I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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