I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
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i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
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If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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