I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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