my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
