Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
