I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
