aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
