Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
