After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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