Heybabeimwearingurpanties
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
