just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
