fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Your cock deserves a montage
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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