never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
