um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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