@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
