I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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