Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Who did Billy Mays play for?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
