HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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