It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
