If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
