watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
