I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
