i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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