i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
