dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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